


Not That Guy

by Baneofwonderland



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, fighting with oneself, philipxlukas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-30
Updated: 2016-10-30
Packaged: 2018-08-27 23:19:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8421475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baneofwonderland/pseuds/Baneofwonderland
Summary: Lukas wrapped his arms around his stomach and let his head drop.
"I'm not supposed to like you this way."
--- Remix of episode dialogue into one scene. Short and angst filled.





	

"You don't understand... I'm not like you." Lukas defended himself. Pushing himself off the bed. "I'm not gay."

He stared down at Philip who simply gazed back at him. They had been making out.. again and it had gotten too much for Lukas to handle. Hands were going everywhere. Shirts had been ripped off awhile ago. And Lukas couldn't catch his breath.

It scared him. It had never been like this with Rose... They had been waiting to do anything _extra_ for awhile now. The thing outside by the tree had been the first time they had almost done something sexual. And it had scared Lukas shitless. Not that he had never thought about someone doing that to him it was just.. he didn't think about it being Rose now. When she had kissed him, it wasn't her lips he wanted.

He had been thinking of someone much different.

Philip was breathing gently now, watching Lukas from the bed. He wasn't pushing Lukas to do anything. He never pushed. Lukas wrapped his arms around his stomach and let his head drop.

"I'm not supposed to like you this way." He whispered more to himself than Philip. 

What would his dad say if he found out? What would his friends think about him? And what about motocross? This was going to ruin any chance he had of getting sponsors... His career was over before it even started! No one wanted a gay athlete riding for them... No, he couldn't be gay. He couldn't be gay! 

"It's okay," Philip said quietly. 

"No it's not! It's not okay, Philip! You don't get it.. This isn't easy for me. I just can't change who I've been my entire life. I can't be gay. What about my dad, huh? What about my friends? I can't be that guy!" Lukas raged.

Philip didn't get it. He'd already done stuff with a guy. This wasn't changing his world. He didn't have anyone to disappoint. He didn't have anyone who would look differently at him. He wasn't already looking differently at himself...

"What if you are that guy?" Philip questioned, no longer looking at him.

Now it was Lukas' turn to watch him in silence. Philip wasn't judging him. He wasn't asking him to change anything. He was just pointing out that maybe Lukas simply _was_ this way. But he wasn't. Hell no! This wasn't him. This was... This was a fluke. It was just a thing between him and Philip.

No, Lukas wasn't gay. He couldn't be. 

"I can't be..." Lukas' voice sounded small in his ears. 

Philip just didn't get it. 


End file.
